The Quickest Way to Get Shot Down...

I'm sitting enjoying a scotch with some friends, when one of my acquaintances comes to sit next to me. The debate was on, so we talked about that for a while but she had other ideas. She brought up this guy that she works with, this guy that had given me his number a month or so ago. She was not the first one to do this. If it's been a month and I haven't called, get over it.

So she tells me he's such a nice guy, smart, and loaded(sorry I'm not that shallow, and I'm pretty fucking shallow). She also mentions he's coming through the door in a minute to hang out. "Jose Gold por favor!" Scotch and tequila equals the quickest way from buzzed to Cynicismville. He sat down and talked, and he did seem nice. Too nice. I'd break him. So my friend was still behind me, so he tried to bail me out with bringing up a book he had me read, "Killing Yourself to Live" by Chuck Klosterman. He-who-was-not-getting-the-hint then shoved his foot in his mouth. "I like reading too. I just finished this great book called "Storytelling" by Tori Spelling." I didn't mean to, but it just came out. I literally laughed in his face. Tori Spelling, that money hungry piece of shit so-called actress is one of the quickest ways to make me lose my hard on. Now had he said I read Shannon Doherty's memoir "How I Kick Bitches Teeth In: A Love Story" then maybe you'd have a chance.

Bradley James