Fritas and I were discussing the last blog I posted over philly cheese steaks and fries. We sat there and tossed back new ideas when it hit me like a donkey punch. A group of guys(most likely a high school sports team) waltzed through the door. One particularly caught my eye, tall, blond, blue eyed Adonis here in Penn Station subs. I knew then what I'd report on today. I started from his hair and work my eyes over him twice. The infamous eye fuck. Taught and perfected over many generations. Royals, commoners and slaves alike have all been victim.
According to UrbanDictionary.com, the definition of eye fuck is "to star at someone flirtatiously insinuating sex." So as always I have more questions than answers, so I set to the street to find out more.
I found out that an eye fuck can only occur when both parties are consenting. Otherwise this move would be considered an eye rape. Can we not come up with a bit more literary flourish than eye rape? Visual molestation maybe? I also learned there are different degrees of eye fucking. Did you know you can have an eye quickie or an eye threesome? Aparently the longer visual contact id held between two or more persons, the more intense the eye fucking is. I suppose I would fall into the category of quickie, eye fucking serial rapist. And here I thought so highly
of myself. So the next time you catch the eye of a stranger in the soup isle, be aware you may have just lost your eye virginity. Keep those eyes chaste my friends.***
In other news Paris Hilton released her first single off her new "album." Her song, My BFF, sounds like what you would hear if you through a hungary badger into the next stroller you saw. To electro beats. And worse yet, this is also the theme song to her new MTV series, My New BFF. Since the Paris and Nicole split of '05 this poor damsel has been in need of something to mask her lonliness, and thanks to the MTV gods she got her wish. A reality tv show to find her a Nicole replacement. Yes people, hide your eightballs and children, the bitch is back.
The link to the new song is here. Just be prepared. Thanks to all the people who read this crap again.
Bradley James
1 comment:
I am particularly fond of the term "eye rape." There's nothing like needing a shower after getting the once-over by a an over-40 balding male, with a penchant for Tommy Bahama hibiscus flower shirts and pederass, horn-rimmed glasses. Plus, this terminology made me spit out my morning coffee, irritating the heart-burn I've had since Saturday (probably from ingesting jalopeno adorned sushi and $3 jack and diet cokes).
Personally, I'm pertrified of ever eye-fucking anyone. I don't want to be found out, because I am anything but subtle. I prefer to day-dream fuck people. In the privacy of my own bed, shower, or car. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be appaled or feel violated by the ungodle, and possible illegal, things I've done to so many unsuspecting people. Even you baby-cakes.
Keep the shit coming.
Post a Comment