It seems that will be the theme of the new year, like all those loose ties are sneaking back into my life and all my stable foundations are crumbling. I found out yesterday my boss and friend is leaving for a better paying job. I'm proud and happy, and yet still hurt and sad. I'm having some issues compartmentalizing my feelings right now. Bottling them up and dealing with them later is the American way, or at least my way.
Even more unsettling is my love life. I'm on Big's back burner and coincidentally also on the rebound, but that's an eternal state for me. I went out with "What If" guy and it was bad. Really bad. After listening to the sound of my salad crunching in my mouth for twenty minutes he got an emergency phone call.He must have sent the "Help me!" text before I could. So being the person I am needed to cleanse my dating karma by calling up my fuck buddy. He being the good friend came over and helped me deal with the dating tragedy by doing what he does best. Not until We were finished and cleaned up does he tell me he needs to get back before his BOYFRIEND wonders where he is. Did you see that coming? Fuck buddies don't have boyfriends, they stay in the wings waiting for your call like the obedient puppies they are.
Which brings me to today. I opened my email to find one unread from Superman. Who is Superman you ask? In between all my Big encounters there has only been one other guy to take away a piece of my heart. I call him Superman as that is what he was for Halloween, the day we got together. We dated for close to a year, moved in, shared friends, the whole deal. He was also very set in his ways which ended being part of our downfall. I can't let him take all the blame. It was a clean breakup but very hurtful. Anyway flash to the present, his email goes something like...I've been considering doing this for six months now... I never got a chance to apologize or justify why I was a douchebag... I understand if you never want to see me again... Long story short he wants to meet for dinner. I may be reading into this, but generally dinner means a date right? So again, pulling a Brad, I agreed to go tomorrow night before my Christmas party. I can't say I'm not excited, and I'm very interested to know how he is doing, but more so what am I doing? Did we not hurt each other enough last time? So here I am again doing what I do best, getting in over my head. More to come in the next few days I'm sure, so keep lookout.
Bradley James
Read Meg's new piece for Refinery29!
11 years ago
1 comment:
Boo to Joe leaving Encore...but hooray for him getting a new and better job and moving on with his life.
Look, I don't want to have to give you a cyber kick in the ass, but I think it's what I'm going to have to do. B, you are so much better than Big (who personally, after hearing you speak about him, actually seems more like an Aidan. He's a mountain man, a little clueless in the style department, and not really ready to embrace the fabulosity that is you). Secondly, ANYONE who has a hard time talking with you is obviously too BORING of a person to even bother with...so to hell with Mr. What If. And I'm sorry, but fuck buddies are only good for two things - fucking and leaving when it's over. Which makes them really great when you're in a situation where you don't want to even deal with the emotional calisthenics of actually dating and getting to know someone. But, B, from what we've talked about...I think you're ready for something really and truly great. Just like you are.
Start having confidence in how awesome you are. Realize that you're better than all these losers, playboys, geeks, and social incompetents. I realized it from the minute we had our first beer together.
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