I Just Want To Take It Nice and Slow...

Well slowing down our relationship to half the speed it was last time is turning out to be harder than it sounded. I see him for two days then I don't for three. It's like I'm a child caught in a custody battle, but no one is winning. Correction... I am most certainly winning, because custody battles don't usually involve adult relations. Say hello to regular sex again!

I also got to confront the roommate the other day, or rather he confronted me. Ken sent me a text at two in the morning saying he wanted to meet and talk. Needless to say I texted him back when I got up and we set a time to meet at the local Starbucks. He told me contrary to popular belief he did not hate me and was not plotting my death. Now taking in that he is a. Superman's roommate and best friend, and b. Secretly in love with my now boyfriend though only he thinks it's secret, I decided to take all the nice and kind things with a grain of salt. All I can say is I've got my guard up.

With it being Christmas and me already having met Superman's family, I went out for Chinese with them. I also got to meet his brother's girlfriend's family. It's confusing because he is still married in Wyoming to this cunt whore who claims to be preggers. I'm calling BS. So anyway the girlfriend's family is HICK like no other. Elbows on the table, eating friend chicken with their hands like it's fucking KFC. Afterward we went back to his parent's house for a few drinks. We all had wine, from a bottle with no handle thank you, while they killed some Franzia. It was like Christmas with the Bush family on mesculine.

After we left I had to break some bad news to SM(Superman). After our sexual rendevoux the other night Little Brad was left with a few battle wounds, so sadly only he got some Christmas dome. Oh well you can't win them all.

**

I decided this post should end with a rough draft of some New Years resolutions I can keep this year, more specifically holiday related for next year. Here's the list so far...

1. Wrap presents ASAP. It's just as important as the gifts themselves, and non one like a shitty wrapped gift.

2. Save change. There is nothing worse than getting the judgment stare from the Salvation Army guy after walking by and not leaving change, even though you've left some at the mall, two grocery stores, and Target that day as well.

3. Regifted gifts shouls be burned after making full circle. Example... I gave a CD to my mom, who gave it to my brother who gave it to me. It's the modern day fruitcake, no pun intended. Burn the shit.

4. Send Christmas cards. That way you don't feel so bad if someone gets you a present, and you give them nothing. This is also why you have a few extra cards with generic notes in them for these people.

Well I've enjoyed it and will try to post again before the New Year, but if not enjoy it and be safe and I'll see you in 2009!! Merry Christmas!

Bradley James

The Future Before Your Eyes...

I did it, I made my goal of holding out 'til the third date. That's not happened ever before. I'd say it was amazng, but I've so been there before and expected nothing less. Technically I've surpassed my goal, because we didn't have "sex," we did do everything but. That's actually an interesting question... Do you consider fellatio or cunnilingus "sex," or does actual down under penetration need to occur? I'm a traditionalist, dome isn't sex and therefore can be used as currency without you feeling like a dirty hooker.

Needless to say I spent the night with very little sleep. I barely made it through dinner with my family today. After a few long hours and a very hot shower (That's what she said.) we sat outside and watched the sun come up and talked about where we are and where we want to be. He was very straight forward about wanting to find a guy and settle down, something he's wanted to do since his midteens. That puts alot of pressure on me, but I do hope it works out. I so hope it does, I really do like this guy.

I was invited to a New Years party with all of our old mutual friends. Everyone we knew will be there, again all of whom love me and for the first time in MANY years I have a New Years kiss planned. What does this mean for me? It means at the drop of that ball I'm leaving the troubles of our past and looking to the hope of the future. Superman wants to settle down, and at this point maybe I should be thinking the same way, or at least the perspective of it. Maybe now I can have a New years resolution that I will follow? My resolution this year is to listen to my heart more than ever and know that no matter what happens Iwill be watching out for one thing this year, my future of happiness.

**

This is a message going out to single people everywhere. Let your guard down and follow your instincts. Fall into a hopeless romance and get hurt, God knows I have. Get hurt but get over it and stand up stronger than ever before. Life is a string of choices, so on't waste time at the crossroads. Take the road less traveled and maybe you can find what you are looking for.

Bradley James

Date Number Three...

I've been fighting this goofy smile since last night. Now that I'm home and rested it's found a nice place to lay it's head.

I'm guessing you know now that it went well. I just want you all to know that with all the good dates we've been on in the last little bit I will never be an optimist, however I am going to be optmomistic about our relationship. So he watched the band play with us tonight. He brought a few friends as a buffer (whom I've met and love anyway) and so did I. The company of coworkers and roommates was a perfect escape from the awkwardness of a real date at my place of employment. At one point in the evening I parted ways for a few to catch up with some old friends and Fritas and Superman had a great conversation. He got an outlandish score on cool points from my friends.

After that we moved the party to his place where I got to take on my only relationship speed bump head on. I made it outside with K (his roommate who hates me), and tried to confront my combatant head on. However, Superman and his buds came out at the same time to save me from a fight. I guess it's hard to date if the best friend hates you. Later in the night via text I was happy to find he is going to be nothing but civil, despite his feelings.

We chilled for a while playing Rock Band but I needed to go home, so he walked me out to my car. This was one of those great nights when you know the kiss is coming and you try to bottle the "stage fright" feeling. It just so happened that he kissed me in the best way possible. It was one of those "walk away, whirl you around and have you way with them" kiss. Even though we've dated before, I'd consider that our first kiss.

As you know there will be more to come in meeting his friends again, the New Years party (which I'll mention later), and all the drama that comes with it all!!

Bradley James

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet...

So you were all losing sleep over the Superman story I'm sure so I thought I'd report back quickly. The evening went well, really well. I got there about half an hour early to plan my escape stratgey and go through all the scenarios in my mind. Is he on some 12 step program and needs my forgiveness? Is he setting this up to tear me down again? Did I just dream this email from him?

He showed up right on time as usual. I thought it would be more uncomfortable than it was. He apoligized for everything, even the breakup which to this point I blamed myself for. Turns out he pushed me away the more I tried to get close to him. He pushed until I finally, and literally, pushed back. And for the record may I say I'm not a physical violence kid of person. It was surreal seeing the person I dated so long ago, saying the things I wish he'd said then. One quite obvious theme of the night was chemistry. I remembered exactly why we dated. He is charming and smart and so many things I look for. He also named the three things I did during our relationship that made him so happy. Number three was trivial (because I forgot it...Ha!), number two was scratching his back every night until he fell asleep, and number one was the baby birth. I could explain it, but that would do it no justice. It must be experienced.

One particular thing that did concern me and still does is his roommate and best friend. I received some very vicious emails from him after our breakup. Come to find that Superman was the one to stop these emails attacking me. Now that he was out with me again Superman didn't say anything to him, so that can of worms we will wait to open. On a positive note, his other roommate and his neighbor are big fans of me. Actually all but one of his friends loved me. Why is it the best friend that doesn't? I know why, but I'll keep that to myself.

We went on to talk for five hours. We talked about his family whom I love and loves me, and his friends who as I said feel the same. I've never felt so reassured of myself ever. Coffee turned into dinner which lead to us hanging out again. I really didn't think I would have the rush of feelings for him again, but I did.

We decided on tonight to hang out after I was done hanging with The Scoobies. That could be a blog in itself. Reguardless we decided to see Milk at the Manor Theater tonight. The movie was ok, but the experience was amazing. We laughed at the same times and interjected our own humor as well. By the end of the movie my head was practically on his shoulder. Where was this coming from? We closed the place down and talked outside about the new Street Fighter movie coming out, Watchmen, and of course Comparing Milk and Brokeback Mountain. I got the feeling he wanted to go home so I hugged him and threw another witty comment his way. We laughed again and he turned to leave, so I pulled his shirt toward me and kissed him. I kissed him? You may not know this, unless you've dated me, but I don't make first moves. I get fumbely and nervous, but this time I grew a pair and kissed him and may I say for the first time in public ever. All in all it was a ten on the dating scale. I'm so excited to hear from him again I can barely wait. I'm sure this isn't the last you will hear of Superman, or the drama of the roommate.

Bradley James

New Beginnings...

It seems that will be the theme of the new year, like all those loose ties are sneaking back into my life and all my stable foundations are crumbling. I found out yesterday my boss and friend is leaving for a better paying job. I'm proud and happy, and yet still hurt and sad. I'm having some issues compartmentalizing my feelings right now. Bottling them up and dealing with them later is the American way, or at least my way.

Even more unsettling is my love life. I'm on Big's back burner and coincidentally also on the rebound, but that's an eternal state for me. I went out with "What If" guy and it was bad. Really bad. After listening to the sound of my salad crunching in my mouth for twenty minutes he got an emergency phone call.He must have sent the "Help me!" text before I could. So being the person I am needed to cleanse my dating karma by calling up my fuck buddy. He being the good friend came over and helped me deal with the dating tragedy by doing what he does best. Not until We were finished and cleaned up does he tell me he needs to get back before his BOYFRIEND wonders where he is. Did you see that coming? Fuck buddies don't have boyfriends, they stay in the wings waiting for your call like the obedient puppies they are.

Which brings me to today. I opened my email to find one unread from Superman. Who is Superman you ask? In between all my Big encounters there has only been one other guy to take away a piece of my heart. I call him Superman as that is what he was for Halloween, the day we got together. We dated for close to a year, moved in, shared friends, the whole deal. He was also very set in his ways which ended being part of our downfall. I can't let him take all the blame. It was a clean breakup but very hurtful. Anyway flash to the present, his email goes something like...I've been considering doing this for six months now... I never got a chance to apologize or justify why I was a douchebag... I understand if you never want to see me again... Long story short he wants to meet for dinner. I may be reading into this, but generally dinner means a date right? So again, pulling a Brad, I agreed to go tomorrow night before my Christmas party. I can't say I'm not excited, and I'm very interested to know how he is doing, but more so what am I doing? Did we not hurt each other enough last time? So here I am again doing what I do best, getting in over my head. More to come in the next few days I'm sure, so keep lookout.

Bradley James

"What If" vs. the 6...

With my heart in emotional limbo, I've decided to use this time wisely. The time to wander aimlessly, no date aimlessly. One of my future conquests was brought up by my dating guru R. She brought up the fact that all of the guys I date are gorgeous, and very dumb and shallow. She mentioned the idea of dating someone I didn't think was physically on my playing field, but mentally. Maybe she was right, maybe I should date the guy I'll grow to love.

But I'm forgetting some more good advice she'd given me. And as a side note let me tell you she is so ahead of her time she has no idea. I thought I'd remind her. Anyway she mentioned her "What If" guy. That guy that you had a great connection with, physically and mentally, timing was just off.

So now I've decided to date both of them within the week and see how they both pan out. The smart unattractive guy is one I met online. He's cute, but not my normal level of attractiveness. Has a great job, reads, and is wise beyond his years. At least that's how he appears in his emails. Most likely he is a serial murderer, with a fondness for hot, unintelligent young men. But why the hell not? The "What If" guy I met a while ago through a friend. Quite hairy from what I remember, but very attractive. I've always liked being the pretty one in the relationship. Door number two is a little younger, but in great shape and wit like no other.

So here are the two contenders fighting for my heart or at least a warm bed to sleep in. Who is your money on? If anything I'm putting my money on "What If," in R's case and in mine.

**

This blog is dedicated to R. Someone who inspires me everyday of my life to be the best person I can. I may not be your maid of honor one day, but I will be your confidant for all of eternity. I hope that your "What If" becomes your "What Is." He's an amazing guy who deserves the whole package. And next to my package, you're the closest he's ever going to get.

Bradley James